Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Relationship and me Cont,


continuation from last weeks advise


2. They openly communicate with each other and stay engaged in each other’s lives.This involves direct and honest dialogue about the mundane aspects of life to the serious thoughts and feelings that get triggered as a part of relationship dynamics. The partners create a climate in their home where each feels safe and comfortable sharing vulnerable aspects of themselves with each other and are attuned to each other’s needs. Listening skills are primed and each feels like an active participant in the relationship. Issues are not swept under the rug and are dealt with immediately in an assertive and caring way.


3. They manage conflict productively.Healthy gay couples recognize that conflict is an inevitable and normal part of a relationship, seeing these “rough spots” as opportunities for growth and positive change in their partnership. They deal with their anger in constructive ways, avoid hurtful comments and assigning of blame, and take the time to understand and validate each other’s points of views before initiating collaborative problem-solving to try and reach a win/win solution. They are open to compromise and sacrifice and always keep a teamwork stance in negotiating their differences.


4. They have a balanced lifestyle comprised of both individual and couple identities.In relationships it’s important to have time devoted to nourishing the relationship and also to focus on individual interests and pursuits. Too much “couple identity” causes both partners to feel suffocated. Too much “individual identity” creates a feeling of being disconnected and living as roommates. Striking a positive balance of both brings in just enough freshness and vitality to the relationship where boundaries are strong and healthy. Each partner feels supported by the other for striving for their own personal growth and goals without feeling threatened because the relationship vision is also being attended to simultaneously.


5. They have fun with life and try not to take things so seriously.Life can be stressful, so why add to the tension with a hardened demeanor? Successful couples are those that are playful with each other, enjoy a humorous banter between the two of them, and feel energized by such things as tickling, cracking jokes, pulling pranks on each other, and being perverted with each other. All things are done in a loving way and this approach to their interactivity creates an atmosphere of laughter and celebration for being in each other’s lives.


6. They enjoy a sensual and sexual camaraderie that helps them to meet their erotic potential.The happiest couples tend to report enjoying nonsexual affection in their daily lives through spontaneous touch, verbal strokes, holding hands, cuddling, and massage. They also understand the importance of maintaining a passionate sexual connection through regular pleasuring sessions and keeping their erotic lives energetic and enjoyable. Even for those couples in “open relationships”, the sexual relationship with their partner remains an important component of intimacy for them and they find ways to meet each other’s needs, even when one isn’t necessarily in the mood.


7. They have a supportive network of family and friends who honor their relationshipHaving the backing and encouragement of loved ones can be a great impetus for reinforcing a gay couple’s commitment. Surrounding themselves with positive and affirming people can be a great boost.


8. They are comfortable with their sexuality and not afraid to show it.Sexual identity struggles and internalized homophobia can really drag a relationship down unless both men tend to be in the same boat with their levels of outness. Confident and successful gay couples are comfortable being in relationship with each other no matter the setting or public domain. Whether it’s trying out a mattress at the local bedding store or attending a social function in a mixed-orientation crowd, these couples feel secure enough in their identities and relationship to combat any potential homophobia they may face by proudly being themselves. Being able to be free and uninhibited is a truly liberating feeling for a gay couple.


9. They possess the following in their partnership: trust, commitment, honesty, openness, flexibility, loyalty, dedication and devotion, quality time, sensitivity, nonjudgmental attitudes, loving and unafraid to express their feelings and passionate side, etc.These are obvious hallmark characteristics that typify a healthy relationship, but gay men in particular are vulnerable to power struggles, competition, and issues surrounding intimacy and closeness due to male socialization in their man-to-man relationships. Successful couples are aware of these pitfalls and work hard to embrace a holistic masculinity that counters the stereotypes they’ve been engrained with.


10. They place a high premium on their lives together and are focused on not taking each other for granted.Successful gay couples realize that the busyness of life can very easily put their relationship on the back shelf, but they don’t let it! They ensure that they devote quality time together, schedule special “date nights” with each other, and are attentive to each other’s needs. They make sure they are diligently working toward their shared relationship vision, validate their partner in the ways he likes it most, and make sure to show through words and actions how much they appreciate their guy being in their lives.


Conclusion


So how did you and your partner do? These are only some of the qualities that comprise a healthy gay relationship and it’s up to you and your man to define the parameters of what that would look and feel like for your unique relationship. Use these tips as a springboard to discuss how things are going in your relationship to gauge your strengths and areas for growth and craft an action plan to make things even better between the two of you.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Relationship and me

“Top 10 Qualities of Gay Super-Couples”
by Brian Rzepczynski,
The Gay Love Coachhttp://www.thegaylovecoach.com/

Introduction

So what makes a healthy and lasting long-term gay relationship successful? Our society certainly doesn’t make it easy for us as gay men to date and mate with all the homophobia and discrimination that exists. Though this is slowly starting to change in many parts of the world, man-to-man love continues to be stigmatized and this backdrop of cultural oppression and hatred can put a strain on a gay couple’s budding relationship that many heterosexual pairs may take for granted. As a gay community, we lack adequate and visible positive role models of gay couples that provide hope for lasting relationship success.

As men, we’ve been conditioned to define our masculinity in rigid and narrow ways as part of the socialization process growing up and this can create conflict when pairing up two individuals of the same gender looking for intimacy and emotional connection. And then we have our own layers of discrimination and pressure in our own gay community that at times can leave gay couples feeling unsupported and uninspired to achieve relationship longevity in the one place they thought they’d be safe—among their own.While the odds do seem to be stacked against us in the fight for the dream of claiming our rightful husband with the accompanying house, white picket fence, and prideful rainbow flag securely attached to the front porch, they don’t have to be obstacles to our success. Having to face so much adversity has actually enabled many of us to be quite resilient in the face of stress and makes us good candidates for partnerships with the right focus and determination.

There are many gay men in long-term relationships who can vouch for their fulfillment of this dream and speak of happiness and bliss in their coupled status. But what are the ingredients that make a healthy gay relationship? Characteristics of Successful Gay CouplesThere is no specific blueprint or formula for how to maintain a lasting and successful relationship. One of the beauties of being gay is that we can create our own definitions of what constitutes an ideal relationship for ourselves as we are not hampered down by restrictive gender roles and norms like our heterosexual counterparts. Each couple develops their own unique partnership that works for them. That being said, there are some universal qualities that can promote a more solid and functional relationship over the long haul for partners seeking long-term connection and happiness.

Successful gay couples can exhibit some of the following…


1. They share compatible interests and philosophies of life.It’s important that partners have similar interests and hobbies to share in common to build experiences with together, but it’s also essential to have some differences as well to complement each other. This helps to keep the mystery and intrigue alive in the relationship that exists with contrast. Who wants to have an exact replica of themselves that they interact with on a daily basis?! Boring! What is absolutely critical, however, is that both partners will have a smoother and more fulfilling relationship if they share comparable value systems. This forms the foundation of what the couple believes in and is the diving board from which they co-create a vision for their future together as a united front and alliance for life.


to be continue

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

WE ARE PROUD


After two full days, our rainbow flag was taken down, by unknown person(s). WE are proud of our work, and will do it again within a heartbeat, thanks to our many supporters. A huge step has been taken in the fight against homophobia here in Jamaica, and that is something that OUTWEEKLY is proud to be apart of.

More pictures from IDAHO































More picture from our successful IDAHO event, in H.W.T, Kingston, Jamaica














































































Monday, May 18, 2009

DAY 2, Down but not out

Today marks the second day since the rainbow flag was place in Kingston, Jamaica. However the Flag was taken down for a short time. We where able to hoist back the flag, that was left laying near its pole. Today marks the second day since the rainbow flag was place in Kingston to mark the Internation Day Against Homophobia, as we continue to call for an end to homophobia in Jamaica

For immediate release

OUTWEEKLY RAISES FLAG TO MARK INTERNATIONAL DAY AGAINST HOMOPHOBIA
Kingston - MAY 17, 2009.


OUTWEEKLY joins with other groups on International Day Against Homophobia (IDAHO) to make a statement that there is much work to be done to improve the quality of life for LGBT people internationally and as well here in Jamaica.

As part of its celebration of IDAHO, OUTWEEKLY raised a Rainbow Flag in the capital city of Kingston as it is the world’s most recognized symbol of LGBT diversity. The six colures represent various facets of LGBT communities: red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, blue for art, and violet for spirituality.

OUTWEEKLY recognises the need for an end to homophobia in Jamaica because our brothers and sisters continue to be attacked and injured, forced from their communities and even murdered for being themselves. We recognise and urge the government to take a stand to curb the drivers of Homophobia. The Church and the Dancehall, with its often violent and anti-gay lyrics, have and continue to play their part in instigating violence and creating a negative image of the gay community. We believe strongly that the church in particular should concern itself with preaching love and not hate. Jamaican Dancehall artists continue to produce and perform music that incites violence against homosexuals and this is somehow accepted. This type of contemporary music is very influential and has helped to shape the ignorance and callous nature in people, causing them to behave violently towards homosexuals. let us come together to end homophobia in Jamaica, together we stand divided we fall.

International Day Against Homophobia (IDAHO) is celebrated May 17.


Kenneth Davis,

Chairman

Sunday, May 17, 2009

OUR Flag still flying high




We will be covering the life of our rainbow flag in Kingston, Jamaica. Join us this and every other day for an update on our rainbow flag.

A mini clip outside the site of the where we raise the rainbow flag marking IDAHO, in Half Way Tree, Kingston, Jamaica.

video


OUTWEEKLY
Jamaica LGBT YOUTHS

OUTWEEKLY PLAN FOR THE INTERNATIONAL DAY AGAINST HOMOPHOBIA

INTERNATIONAL DAY AGAINST HOMOPHOBIA
MAY 17, 2009.

There are 77 countries in the world today where it is a criminal offence to be gay. These countries punish women, men and children because of their sexuality and in seven countries the punishment is death.


International Day Against Homophobia (IDAHO) provides a platform for everyone to make a powerful statement to demand improvements for the quality of life for LGBT people here in Jamaica. The 17th of May will be used to raise awareness of homophobic issues that are negatively impacting on people’s lives.


On this day we will be advocating for an end to homophobia in Jamaica. We will be addressing the three mayor factors that are the driving force to homophobia. The Dancehall music, Church and the Government.


Often times it is preach that violence is wrong and must not be accepted. However the double stand that is coming from the Jamaican Dancehall artists against homosexuals is accepted. This type of music is very influential to the Jamaican people. Ignorance and callous nature in people cause them to behave violently towards homosexuals.

Many other countries around the world are planning activities to combat homophobia. Costa Rica and Honduras will be having panel and pubic presentation, in some European countries same sex couples plan to hold hands in public.
The raising of a Rainbow Flag in the capital city of Kingston is one of the activities that are plan by us. The Rainbow Flag is the world’s most recognized symbol of LGBT diversity. The six colures represent various facets of LGBT communities: red for life, orange for healing, yellow for sunlight, green for nature, blue for art, and violet for spirituality.
International Day Against Homophobia (IDAHO) is celebrated May 17.

Kenneth Davis,
Chairman

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Tatchell at Moscow Gay Pride

Tatchell at Moscow Gay Pride Undeterred by threat of arrests and bashings London - 11 May 2009 Despite threats to bash and arrest the marchers, British gay human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell will attend this Saturday's Moscow Gay Pride parade - this year renamed Slavic Gay Pride to support the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) equality struggles in all Slavic countries, Russian and non-Russian.

The parade is scheduled to take place at lunchtime on Saturday 16 May, and coincides with the final of the Eurovision song contest which is being held later that night, also in Moscow. The Moscow authorities have said the parade is banned and have threatened "tough measures" against anyone who tries to march. In addition, there is the likelihood of mob violence against the marchers by neo-Nazis, skinheads, ultra-nationalists and Christian fundamentalists - as happened in 2006 and 2007.

"I am joining the parade to show my support for the courageous Russian gay campaigners. All year round they risk arrest, imprisonment and queer-bashing attacks. These men and women are absolute heroes. I salute them," said Mr. Tatchell, who is the human rights spokesperson for the Green Party of England and Wales and the Green Party parliamentary candidate for the university constituency of Oxford East in south-east England.

"International solidarity is hugely important. My presence is one way to show that gay people around the world support the right of gay people in Russia to live their lives without homophobic prejudice, ostracism, discrimination and violence. "This parade is in defence of human rights. We are defending the often violated human rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Russians. They want legal protection against discrimination and hate crimes. I support their cause. "Not all Russians are homophobic, but many are. Gay Russians suffer queer-bashing attacks, blackmail, verbal abuse and discrimination in education, housing and employment,. This shames the great Russian nation. "Saturday's Slavic Gay Pride is about more than gay human rights. It is about the right of all Russian people to freely express their opinions and to protest peacefully.

The ban on gay parades is just one example of the systematic suppression of civil liberties in Russia. "I appeal to President Medvedev, Prime Minister Putin and Mayor Luzhkov: gay people are no threat to Russian society. Be magnanimous. Uphold democratic rights and freedoms. Allow the Slavic Gay Pride parade. "Although I am determined to support our Russian and Belarusian comrades, like them I am anxious about what may happen to us. But we have to take some risks; otherwise the homophobes and authoritarians will win. "I don't have much confidence that the Moscow police will accept our right to protest or that they will protect us against neo-Nazi violence. "At Moscow Pride in 2007 I was beaten almost unconscious by right-wing extremists, while the police stood by and watched. They then arrested me. I spent several hours in police detention before being released without charge. My attackers have never been arrested, even though they were clearly identified in photos and film footage," said Mr Tatchell.

Further information:

Peter Tatchell - 020 7403 1790 (until 10am Wednesday 13 May, and after 11pm 18 May)

Nikolai Alekseev (organiser Slavic Gay Pride) - + 7 916 255 8240 ENDS

Friday, May 1, 2009

Homophobia in Jamaica

IN the month of May, OUTWEEKLY will be covering stories of homophobia in Jamaica, and on May 17, we will be lauching a public campaign againts homophobia in Jamican, denoucing homophobia and transphobia.


video


THIS ia mini chips showing the three factors that are driving Homophobia in Jamaica. The Dancehall music, The Church and Government.